How I won my fantasy football league

This post was originally going to be about the miraculous way in which I won my most recent fantasy football title, which was also my first Surf N Turf Football Championship, but I decided to go through the annals of time and document ALL of my major championships starting from the beginning...

 

For a couple years I did the stupid Sporting News Salary Cap fantasy football, baseball, and basketball as a way to figure out which cards were hot and it kept me more interested in some of the games.  You could manipulate it and just go with the money makers, and basically load your team.  To give you an idea I believe Santana Moss and Brian Westbrook were rookies.  In 2005 I was recruited to be in Dwain's league, aka Big Daddy's league, aka the PDX league.  I purchased the Sporting News Fantasy Football Magazine, and I pretty much followed it to the tea.  I took Thomas Jones and the Bears defense as late round sleepers.  Carson Palmer was my quarterback and Reggie Wayne was having an outstanding season.  The funny thing is, my first two picks were gigantic busts, which always seems to be the case.  Well back then Dwain did everything on paper, before we put it all on the internet so you had to either call him or wait for him to bring the written results into work, and let's just say his math and timing weren't always perfect!  Oh and the waiver wire system, what a calamity!  The way it worked is that you had to call him, let him know who you wanted, and hoped that he did the honorable thing!  If you got a player he did it grudgingly.  Well needless to say I ended up in the Super Bowl with Rocky, and we decided to split the money which was about 900 a piece, and player for a trophy and a "Rocky Surf N Turf"  which was a Big Mac and Filet o Fish...which is also how we came up with the name for the now standard Surf N Turf league.  Well I also dominated the championship and convinced myself the fantasy football was easy!

 

So I joined two leagues the following year! 

I think it is safe to say the Celtics Cavs game from earlier this evening changed the landscape of the NBA in the short term and long term and I think we will see the effects of this game for the next decade. My first instinct was that David Stern was going to ensure that this series was going to go 7 games, and have the Cavs win and go onto the finals, which always seemed to be their destiny. Or perhaps that he knew the easiest way to get Lebron to NY was to lose to the Celtics, still insuring a premium NBA finals against the Lakers. Or third, maybe Lebron James just quit and this was his F-U Cleveland game because he was getting boo'd or it would be easier for him to leave for NY if he lost.

Either way he looked like someone already playing for another team. Mo Williams was the only one trying for the Cavs, and James looked like someone who didn't care. This was the biggest fraud of a triple double I have ever seen, it should have been a quadruple double if you count turnovers (He was 1 short). He passed the ball, and looked completely uninterested. Kevin Garnett was breathing fire and Lebron James looked like someone that already knew the outcome of this game. He did not look angry

CitySolve Seattle W/Dad 7/12

This was part race, part weekend with dad...I got off work late and we didn't even leave for Seattle until after midnight! I think we were literally in our room in Bremerton at 545 am Saturday morning, with the race starting in a matter of hours! Rather than go to sleep, Dad went to the complimentary breakfast buffet, the minute it opened at 6:00am. I got a few short hours of sleep before meeting Dannel in the lobby to take the ferry over to Seattle. It was a nice ride, and a very nice day but that didn't change the fact that I had about three hours of sleep! Well, by the time we got to 88 keys, I was definitely ready to go, and Jason Hoffsess even gave us some props as the number 2 team from Vegas. We would hope NOT to disappoint. The race was actually going fairly well until we were directed to a weird part of town which was way off the beaten path by Hans, which is not unusual in a Citysolve race. Up hills, down the road, more hills, until we found ourselves in the middle of nowhere. Apparently, when giving directions to someone, don't forget to type the North, South, East, and West at the end of the address! At this point we realized there was no sense in continuing, and we walked back to the starting point. Having said all that, and taking a one hour penalty, we still finished in 27th place. Had I known we were so close to top 25, I would have ran, and qualified us for New Orleans. Now Dannel will have to do it on his own this August in Portland. Well, shortly thereafter we parted ways, I took the ferry back to Bremerton, and me and my dad had pizza at a Red Sox themed pizza place around the corner from the hotel. What was funny was the Yankees were in town and the place was a ghost town! We took the ferry back AGAIN, this time with vehicle, and me and my dad played some poker for the one hour ferry ride to Seattle. He once saw two men playing poker on the ferry and was so jealous. So we played some cards, and had some fun. The town was buzzing being a Saturday night, the Yankees being in town, and the Mariners having won in dramatic fashion. We parked, and had some beers at the Hotel 1000 with Jonathan and Melissa. We were supposed to see a reggae show but we had some beers at the bar next door, the green light or the green room or something. Well, at the end of the night me and my dad had the decision to drive back to Portland (3 hours) or drive to Bremerton to our paid for hotel (1 hour) and have the free breakfast buffet again. You can guess what we chose. We drove back the next day, actually Dad did, and I slept the whole way considering I had to work later =)

Casino Wins of $100+

This is why you do what you do! Not to get rich (although hitting a huge progressive would be nice!) but do hit a jackpot of over $100 on a 60 cent spin while enjoying all the free drinks the casino provides! I have been fortunate enough to have a lot of good hits through the years, and I will share them with you, some I remember, some I forgot, but if I get one from here on out you bet your ass I'll be posting it! Call this the Hund+ Home.
$140 January 2013.  Down to $2 on Treasure Chess, I was max betting and I lined up five diamonds.  That paid a hundred, and I got the bonus for forty more.

$180 July 2012.  After taking a beating all week in Vegas, Ryan suggests we go play at Harrah's and we started off the evening hot, hitting bonuses, and a few dollars into Alladin, on a 40 cent spin we get something comparable to the Glinda bonus and it made the right two and left two columns wild with a wild in the middle and some other powerful symbols to end the trip off on a winning note.

$4000 Memorial Day, 2012.  The Big One.  Was playing Zeus with Greg at Pub 181 and after already starting off the evening hot we lined up five jackpot sympols starting from bottom bottom bottom middle top on an 80 cent bet, it paid the four grand.  We were in disbelief at first but after it all registered, I signed the back of the ticket and drove to Salem the next morning to collect the winnings.

$320 March 2011 Was at Spirit Mountain with Greg and at about 200am he was finishing his food and on my second to last spin I hit the Glinda bonus and it made the right two and left two columns wild with a wild and another top symbol in the middle, and went on to hit a couple more bonuses even after that.

$200 Jan 2011 Hit the $200 on the Big Wheel of Fortune yet again with Ashlee at Circus Circus in Reno

$170 Dec 2011 After attending the Brian Setzer concert, I decided to play some Time Machine, I got the bonus which is similar to the Glinda bonus on Wizard of Oz, I got 3 reels scratched wild, and two wild symbols in the middle.

$325 Feb 2011 Using Free Play on a 75 cent spin, hit the bonus on 5 Dragons Reel Play, and got five fish with a ten times multiplier for $300, total bonus was about $325!

$160 January 8th Tacoma, WA Emerald Queen Casino, Lobstermania Bonus on a $3 max bet and 4 buoy picks, three way chop with Rocky and Taylor.


$194 November 28th, 2010: Gigantic Dragons, 70 cent spin, during free spin bonus hit multiple gold dragons across the screen twice.

$174 November 28th, 2010: Pompei, 50 cent spin, four bonus symbols, and retrigger with more more bonus symbols and the X3 AND X5 multiplier.

$205 October 2011 On the night of the Reno Zombie Crawl I was at Cal Neva and I threw some money into Buffalo, hit the bonus, and filled up the screen with Aces. I didn't realize how much I won until someone pointed it out to me. BUFFALO!!!
$250 August 28th, 2010: 25 cent diamond mine, at the bar, max credit spin of ten quarters. I had actually won about $140 on this machine a year ago, and fortunately for me it treated me well again!

$255 July 4th 2010: Five Cent John Wayne, Aria Casino in Las Vegas. Hit the Bonus only after realizing it was nickels, and not pennies!

$200 June 2, 2010: Big Wheel of Fortune at Silver Legacy, hit the highest slice of the Wheel. Split with Ashley who hit the winning button!

$170 May 29, 2010: Kitty Glitter! Cal Neva, Reno. Kicked the crap out of the glitter bonus, with a re-trigger, which is how to really make money on this game.

$100 April, 2010: Green Machine! Silver Legacy, Reno. Ash once again works her magic and we hit the hundred. This is the ultimate fiend game, and it paid off! Probably a five way chop, but it provided plenty of excitement!

$144 April, 2010: Hee Haw! Grand Sierra Resort, Reno. Hit the bonus, and got five or maybe six ears of corn. Yes I just said Hee Haw, and ears of corn. Brittany and Peer were partners.

$100 September, 2009 Deal Or No Deal, Luxor. Was playing with $20 in promo money and pulled out a $100 so basically a clean profit with no risk.

$220 2009: Lucky Fountain, Spirit Mountain. Me and Jonathan each threw in ten dollars and hit the hundred free spins. About a half hour later we cashed out $220.

$400 July 4th Weekend, 2009: Jungle Wild, Caesars Palace. Hit the bonus with four bonus symbols, and filled up the screen with wilds, all but two spots. Game goes absolutely bananas, took winnings and got a booth and bottle service at Pure. This is also the photo for this blog.

$1100 February, 2009. My biggest casino win ever. Again, I was playing NL Hold Em, not even in the hand, when the Bad Beat hit. Four sixes lose to a straight flush. Jonathan was sitting next to me and he got $1100 too. We were about to leave in five minutes. Instead we went to the bar and had jaeger bombs.

$200 2008: Pompei, Spirit Mountain. Another nice Aristocat hit. I got the Vini Vidi Vicci bonus, and hit it pretty hard. I then realized it was 2 cents instead of pennies, and that I won $200 instead of $100

$225 2008: Geisha, Spirit Mountain. I accidentally hit the max bet, hit the bonus, and the stars aligned and I got a huge payoff.

$100 March, 2007: Dollar Texas Tea. Silver Legacy. Thought I would try my luck and put a $20 in, and hit four cows for a cool hund.

$200 March, 2007: Double Double Bonus Poker, Silver Legacy. Four Aces, no kicker. Oh well.

$500 September 17, 2006. High Hand at the Stardust playing NL Hold Em. No, not a slot machine, but the date and place are significant! Four Queens, and a Nine Kicker that played. Held up over 10 hours!

$500 March, 2006. Triple Play, Double Double Bonus Poker. Circus, Circus, Reno. Was dealt 3 Aces, and not only hit the 4th Ace, but the kicker too. We wouldn't have even been here had they not closed the roads to Tahoe.

Great Urban Race Portland 6/12/10

So close yet so far away...I am going to try and tell this story Memento style....backwards, filling in the blanks as I go. We crossed the finish line in about an hour flat. In the past there was a racer or two but this time, not one of the three hundred teams were there. We were first. The GUR staff actually just got there lunch, and they were confused as to why we were back so soon. We were that efficient, and that far ahead of everyone. This is fool proof...we did everything we were supposed to do and had all the proof. Or did we? As Dannel goes and checks off everything we need to show to claim our victory, they ask for the flier from Paddy's. Well we went to Paddy's, counted all 525 bottles on the wall (actually paid the bartender to tell us how many they had), we missed the part where we were supposed to get a flier from the GUR staffer. Now on a normal afternoon, it is really obvious that there is an attendant and you need to look no further. But on Rose Parade day, AND DURING the US-England World Cup Match in an IRISH PUB, it is literally standing room only. There was no staffer (there probably was), but he or she was completely invisible because of all the soccer crazies (or everyone that likes soccer in the state of Oregon) jam packed into this Irish Pub. Now I was already irritated with soccer, but it literally cost us a win. That is not an excuse, if we further read the clue sheet, it said that there was an attendant there. What is so disappointing is how dominant we were(I now look back and see that we won the race by 4 minutes, but it seemed much longer), and the fact that we literally did everything we were supposed to, minus picking up a piece of paper. Now this is nowhere near the disaster of coming so close to a finals race, and it costing us $10000. This is $300 and qualifying for the finals, which we did. Now, if this was the High Trek Adventure, now known as CitySolve, the attendant at Paddy's would have chased us out of Paddy's and would have reminded us to take the flier, literally handing us the win and costing the actual winning team $12,345 dollars! So needless to say, it's good to work out some of the kinks early so we can win Jason Hofsess 's race without any dispute, and preferably do REALLY well in Las Vegas, which is kind of like my home turf part two. Put a race in downtown LA and I will be clueless. Put a race in Las Vegas, and I can do it blindfolded. What is encouraging, although Dannel won't admit it, is that this was our most efficient race yet, and that includes the first race of New Orleans. That includes having to run through the Rose Parade, about ten times. Thank you GUR for letting us have our own slice of pizza instead of having to do something that conflicts with our manhood. We took no public transportation, although most of it was shut down because of the parade. I was not happy about having to handle a live crawfish, although Dannel did an admirable job. This race was actually pretty easy, compared to the last race we did, which was basically two, 2-hour races with about an hour break in between. Jason, since I am sure you are reading this PLEASE give us about 2 hours between races if at all possible. Thank you =) We actually have 3 races in Seattle before we go to New Orleans for Halloween weekend (KICK FREAKIN ASS) and then Vegas in November. I smell 2 wins. Hopefully soccer, my least favorite sport, doesn't interfere this time.

Tops ten songs CONSTANTLY played in Cabo San Lucas

I thought I would dedicate this entry to the top ten (and possibly only ten) songs REPEATEDLY played in Cabo. It's like all the clubs got together, and bought the EXACT same CD or burned a copy for every single place or loaned each other the same ipod. What you get is the same ten songs over, and over, and over again...and everyone STILL gets excited and I have to admit, I was a little bit guilty of that as well =) So here they are, in no particular order...

UPDATE! The song titles are now links...SWEET!!

1. Tonight's going to be a good night (Black Eyed Peas)
*This song by far was played 3-1 more than any other song. If you go to mexico, you will hear this song about 372 times. I won't take credit for saying this, but a friend said "Tonight will be a better night if they stop playing this song!"

2. Party In The USA (Miley Cyrus)
*I heard this song for the first time 2 months ago. A bunch of 12 year old girls at the bowling alley were screaming it at the top of their lungs. I had to ask who it is. Since then I have heard it over 4000 times, and somehow it's popular with the spring break crowd in Cabo. IMMEDIATELY turn in your man card if you were a guy, and you sang this song at El Squid Roe.

3. Hotel Motel Holiday Inn (Pit Bull?)
*No idea what this song means...maybe bringing back a girl to your hotel room? I think Pit Bull can afford something nicer than a Holiday Inn, especially after the royalties from having this song played for the millionth time at the Riu Night Club. Oh wait, I forgot, there are no royalties in Mexico.

4. Empire State of Mind, New York (Jay Z)
*Serious I am googling the artists as I go, because I really had no idea. In Cabo, especially after having a few drinks, people LOVE hearing the city or state of where they are from. Like you could be in a place with 2000 people, and if the DJ yells out OHIO or WISCONSIN, every five minutes people lose their minds. It doesn't matter that it happened like 5 minutes before, and he just named the other 48 states before you. So imagine if the whole song is about your home state...people just start passing out with excitement.

5. Any AC/DC song (The Cabo Wabo Band)
*Every song they do is done with a mexican accent..or words like job sound like YOB. But for some reason, when they do AC DC they sound EXACTLY like the lead singer Brian Johnson. He knows this, so every other song is AC DC.

6. Somebody Call 911 Shawty Fire Burning on the Dance Floor (I have no freaking clue)
*Was it wrong, that every time they played this song, I thought of Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN? They always go to commercial with this song, and I was SO TIRED of all spanish sports tv and soccer! This is one reason I am happy to be home.

7. The Spikey Leg (GS BOYZ????)
*Ok, so thanks to google I found out that this is called the Stinky Leg, or the Stanky leg, depending on your grammar, but since I thought it sounded like Spikey Leg I am sticking with it. I actually learned how to do the Spikey Leg and can't wait to practice it in the mirror!

8. Bad Romance (Lady Gaga)
*Ok so this is my, I think I am getting old moment, but who the hell is Lady Gaga

9. Get Low Low Low Low (T Pain)
*Why I don't like this song? For the same reason I hate line dancing songs at country western bars. I am already not the best dancer on the planet, and now all of a sudden you have to dance AS LOW to the ground as possible. It's about 50/50 that I will tip over. I think it's so funny that these artists are obsessed with starting a new dance craze...which leads to the number 10..

10. Walk it out, Soulja Boy Superman, Cha Cha Slide, and any Country Western Line dance for that matter.
*Ok I give up...these songs are when I know it's time to get a beer and go back to my seat!

11. BONUS SONG! Lollipop (Lil Wayne)
*I had to throw this one in because he is one of the weirdest looking dudes on the planet, and doesn't have any skin left to tattoo. And he uses that weird voice distortion thing (sorry, I don't know what it's called) And while we are at it, what is a Shawty?

HEY FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY TO THIS LIST! I am sure I missed one =)

A very interesting poker hand

I decided to play in a tournament at the Portland Poker Club which is a shady place above Biddy McGraw's here in Portland. A $10 "cover" charge for a $20 buy-in is a bit steep, but I was up, it was noon, and I had plans with Rocky to go. Both him and Jonathan got eliminated early, and at least they got a beer out of it at Biddy's, but I did my usual early accumulation of chips only to piss them away FAST as the blinds and levels got higher. I made the final table as the low stack, which became the VERY low stack. I already had one foot out the door, when the blinds were at 500/1000 and I had 4000 in chips. I was under the gun, and I decided that I had three chances to make my move (now, or when the big or small blind hit), and I looked down at KQ of spades. I threw my last 4 chips in, and I got a comment from the guy to my right saying "I was wondering when that was going to happen". I pick my moments where I make my last stand, rather than haphazardly gamble. Anyways, to my surprise, not only did I get 4 callers, but the 5th person went all in (person that made comment earlier). To my GREAT surprise, everyone that was in the hand called, including the CHIP LEADER who re-raised all in and have everyone covered. A quick trivia question, is, What is the best thing that could possibly happen? Well, everyone is now all in and turns over their cards. Pocket 8's...AJ suited, J10 suited, and the worst case scenario for me, Pocket Kings, from the person who made the comment and initially raised all in. The question is, with so many people all in, and 4 places making the money, fold those mediocre to good hands, and let everyone else eliminate each other. I had no choice, and was the first person in. But these guys in the sunglasses and hoodies, that do nothing but talk, are really not all that smart. Well the miracle flop happened...9-10-J. YAHTZEE! I also hit two of my spades, but the guy with pocket Kings was in the lead for the side pot. The chipleader paired his J, but hit a miracle A on the river, giving him two pair (and also giving me a nut flush, which I did not need), and eliminating four players, all of whom had ALOT more chips than me. I multiplied my chips by 5, to 20000, and after we paid the bubble (the odd man out) who was shortly eliminated, the chip leader, who had to leave, offered to chop the remaining money (over $600). We all happily agreed. So I go from one foot out the door, to essentially winning the tournament, in one miraculous hand, and some poor decisions by some of the other players. Honestly, the only hand I call with their is the pocket Kings. Shh, don't use that against me! Oh, and I know the picture is of Hearts, but I could not find a Spades photo. Ship it baby....