How I won my fantasy football league

This post was originally going to be about the miraculous way in which I won my most recent fantasy football title, which was also my first Surf N Turf Football Championship, but I decided to go through the annals of time and document ALL of my major championships starting from the beginning...

 

For a couple years I did the stupid Sporting News Salary Cap fantasy football, baseball, and basketball as a way to figure out which cards were hot and it kept me more interested in some of the games.  You could manipulate it and just go with the money makers, and basically load your team.  To give you an idea I believe Santana Moss and Brian Westbrook were rookies.  In 2005 I was recruited to be in Dwain's league, aka Big Daddy's league, aka the PDX league.  I purchased the Sporting News Fantasy Football Magazine, and I pretty much followed it to the tea.  I took Thomas Jones and the Bears defense as late round sleepers.  Carson Palmer was my quarterback and Reggie Wayne was having an outstanding season.  The funny thing is, my first two picks were gigantic busts, which always seems to be the case.  Well back then Dwain did everything on paper, before we put it all on the internet so you had to either call him or wait for him to bring the written results into work, and let's just say his math and timing weren't always perfect!  Oh and the waiver wire system, what a calamity!  The way it worked is that you had to call him, let him know who you wanted, and hoped that he did the honorable thing!  If you got a player he did it grudgingly.  Well needless to say I ended up in the Super Bowl with Rocky, and we decided to split the money which was about 900 a piece, and player for a trophy and a "Rocky Surf N Turf"  which was a Big Mac and Filet o Fish...which is also how we came up with the name for the now standard Surf N Turf league.  Well I also dominated the championship and convinced myself the fantasy football was easy!

 

So I joined two leagues the following year! 

I think it is safe to say the Celtics Cavs game from earlier this evening changed the landscape of the NBA in the short term and long term and I think we will see the effects of this game for the next decade. My first instinct was that David Stern was going to ensure that this series was going to go 7 games, and have the Cavs win and go onto the finals, which always seemed to be their destiny. Or perhaps that he knew the easiest way to get Lebron to NY was to lose to the Celtics, still insuring a premium NBA finals against the Lakers. Or third, maybe Lebron James just quit and this was his F-U Cleveland game because he was getting boo'd or it would be easier for him to leave for NY if he lost.

Either way he looked like someone already playing for another team. Mo Williams was the only one trying for the Cavs, and James looked like someone who didn't care. This was the biggest fraud of a triple double I have ever seen, it should have been a quadruple double if you count turnovers (He was 1 short). He passed the ball, and looked completely uninterested. Kevin Garnett was breathing fire and Lebron James looked like someone that already knew the outcome of this game. He did not look angry

CitySolve Seattle W/Dad 7/12

This was part race, part weekend with dad...I got off work late and we didn't even leave for Seattle until after midnight! I think we were literally in our room in Bremerton at 545 am Saturday morning, with the race starting in a matter of hours! Rather than go to sleep, Dad went to the complimentary breakfast buffet, the minute it opened at 6:00am. I got a few short hours of sleep before meeting Dannel in the lobby to take the ferry over to Seattle. It was a nice ride, and a very nice day but that didn't change the fact that I had about three hours of sleep! Well, by the time we got to 88 keys, I was definitely ready to go, and Jason Hoffsess even gave us some props as the number 2 team from Vegas. We would hope NOT to disappoint. The race was actually going fairly well until we were directed to a weird part of town which was way off the beaten path by Hans, which is not unusual in a Citysolve race. Up hills, down the road, more hills, until we found ourselves in the middle of nowhere. Apparently, when giving directions to someone, don't forget to type the North, South, East, and West at the end of the address! At this point we realized there was no sense in continuing, and we walked back to the starting point. Having said all that, and taking a one hour penalty, we still finished in 27th place. Had I known we were so close to top 25, I would have ran, and qualified us for New Orleans. Now Dannel will have to do it on his own this August in Portland. Well, shortly thereafter we parted ways, I took the ferry back to Bremerton, and me and my dad had pizza at a Red Sox themed pizza place around the corner from the hotel. What was funny was the Yankees were in town and the place was a ghost town! We took the ferry back AGAIN, this time with vehicle, and me and my dad played some poker for the one hour ferry ride to Seattle. He once saw two men playing poker on the ferry and was so jealous. So we played some cards, and had some fun. The town was buzzing being a Saturday night, the Yankees being in town, and the Mariners having won in dramatic fashion. We parked, and had some beers at the Hotel 1000 with Jonathan and Melissa. We were supposed to see a reggae show but we had some beers at the bar next door, the green light or the green room or something. Well, at the end of the night me and my dad had the decision to drive back to Portland (3 hours) or drive to Bremerton to our paid for hotel (1 hour) and have the free breakfast buffet again. You can guess what we chose. We drove back the next day, actually Dad did, and I slept the whole way considering I had to work later =)

Casino Wins of $100+

This is why you do what you do! Not to get rich (although hitting a huge progressive would be nice!) but do hit a jackpot of over $100 on a 60 cent spin while enjoying all the free drinks the casino provides! I have been fortunate enough to have a lot of good hits through the years, and I will share them with you, some I remember, some I forgot, but if I get one from here on out you bet your ass I'll be posting it! Call this the Hund+ Home.
$140 January 2013.  Down to $2 on Treasure Chess, I was max betting and I lined up five diamonds.  That paid a hundred, and I got the bonus for forty more.

$180 July 2012.  After taking a beating all week in Vegas, Ryan suggests we go play at Harrah's and we started off the evening hot, hitting bonuses, and a few dollars into Alladin, on a 40 cent spin we get something comparable to the Glinda bonus and it made the right two and left two columns wild with a wild in the middle and some other powerful symbols to end the trip off on a winning note.

$4000 Memorial Day, 2012.  The Big One.  Was playing Zeus with Greg at Pub 181 and after already starting off the evening hot we lined up five jackpot sympols starting from bottom bottom bottom middle top on an 80 cent bet, it paid the four grand.  We were in disbelief at first but after it all registered, I signed the back of the ticket and drove to Salem the next morning to collect the winnings.

$320 March 2011 Was at Spirit Mountain with Greg and at about 200am he was finishing his food and on my second to last spin I hit the Glinda bonus and it made the right two and left two columns wild with a wild and another top symbol in the middle, and went on to hit a couple more bonuses even after that.

$200 Jan 2011 Hit the $200 on the Big Wheel of Fortune yet again with Ashlee at Circus Circus in Reno

$170 Dec 2011 After attending the Brian Setzer concert, I decided to play some Time Machine, I got the bonus which is similar to the Glinda bonus on Wizard of Oz, I got 3 reels scratched wild, and two wild symbols in the middle.

$325 Feb 2011 Using Free Play on a 75 cent spin, hit the bonus on 5 Dragons Reel Play, and got five fish with a ten times multiplier for $300, total bonus was about $325!

$160 January 8th Tacoma, WA Emerald Queen Casino, Lobstermania Bonus on a $3 max bet and 4 buoy picks, three way chop with Rocky and Taylor.


$194 November 28th, 2010: Gigantic Dragons, 70 cent spin, during free spin bonus hit multiple gold dragons across the screen twice.

$174 November 28th, 2010: Pompei, 50 cent spin, four bonus symbols, and retrigger with more more bonus symbols and the X3 AND X5 multiplier.

$205 October 2011 On the night of the Reno Zombie Crawl I was at Cal Neva and I threw some money into Buffalo, hit the bonus, and filled up the screen with Aces. I didn't realize how much I won until someone pointed it out to me. BUFFALO!!!
$250 August 28th, 2010: 25 cent diamond mine, at the bar, max credit spin of ten quarters. I had actually won about $140 on this machine a year ago, and fortunately for me it treated me well again!

$255 July 4th 2010: Five Cent John Wayne, Aria Casino in Las Vegas. Hit the Bonus only after realizing it was nickels, and not pennies!

$200 June 2, 2010: Big Wheel of Fortune at Silver Legacy, hit the highest slice of the Wheel. Split with Ashley who hit the winning button!

$170 May 29, 2010: Kitty Glitter! Cal Neva, Reno. Kicked the crap out of the glitter bonus, with a re-trigger, which is how to really make money on this game.

$100 April, 2010: Green Machine! Silver Legacy, Reno. Ash once again works her magic and we hit the hundred. This is the ultimate fiend game, and it paid off! Probably a five way chop, but it provided plenty of excitement!

$144 April, 2010: Hee Haw! Grand Sierra Resort, Reno. Hit the bonus, and got five or maybe six ears of corn. Yes I just said Hee Haw, and ears of corn. Brittany and Peer were partners.

$100 September, 2009 Deal Or No Deal, Luxor. Was playing with $20 in promo money and pulled out a $100 so basically a clean profit with no risk.

$220 2009: Lucky Fountain, Spirit Mountain. Me and Jonathan each threw in ten dollars and hit the hundred free spins. About a half hour later we cashed out $220.

$400 July 4th Weekend, 2009: Jungle Wild, Caesars Palace. Hit the bonus with four bonus symbols, and filled up the screen with wilds, all but two spots. Game goes absolutely bananas, took winnings and got a booth and bottle service at Pure. This is also the photo for this blog.

$1100 February, 2009. My biggest casino win ever. Again, I was playing NL Hold Em, not even in the hand, when the Bad Beat hit. Four sixes lose to a straight flush. Jonathan was sitting next to me and he got $1100 too. We were about to leave in five minutes. Instead we went to the bar and had jaeger bombs.

$200 2008: Pompei, Spirit Mountain. Another nice Aristocat hit. I got the Vini Vidi Vicci bonus, and hit it pretty hard. I then realized it was 2 cents instead of pennies, and that I won $200 instead of $100

$225 2008: Geisha, Spirit Mountain. I accidentally hit the max bet, hit the bonus, and the stars aligned and I got a huge payoff.

$100 March, 2007: Dollar Texas Tea. Silver Legacy. Thought I would try my luck and put a $20 in, and hit four cows for a cool hund.

$200 March, 2007: Double Double Bonus Poker, Silver Legacy. Four Aces, no kicker. Oh well.

$500 September 17, 2006. High Hand at the Stardust playing NL Hold Em. No, not a slot machine, but the date and place are significant! Four Queens, and a Nine Kicker that played. Held up over 10 hours!

$500 March, 2006. Triple Play, Double Double Bonus Poker. Circus, Circus, Reno. Was dealt 3 Aces, and not only hit the 4th Ace, but the kicker too. We wouldn't have even been here had they not closed the roads to Tahoe.

Great Urban Race Portland 6/12/10

So close yet so far away...I am going to try and tell this story Memento style....backwards, filling in the blanks as I go. We crossed the finish line in about an hour flat. In the past there was a racer or two but this time, not one of the three hundred teams were there. We were first. The GUR staff actually just got there lunch, and they were confused as to why we were back so soon. We were that efficient, and that far ahead of everyone. This is fool proof...we did everything we were supposed to do and had all the proof. Or did we? As Dannel goes and checks off everything we need to show to claim our victory, they ask for the flier from Paddy's. Well we went to Paddy's, counted all 525 bottles on the wall (actually paid the bartender to tell us how many they had), we missed the part where we were supposed to get a flier from the GUR staffer. Now on a normal afternoon, it is really obvious that there is an attendant and you need to look no further. But on Rose Parade day, AND DURING the US-England World Cup Match in an IRISH PUB, it is literally standing room only. There was no staffer (there probably was), but he or she was completely invisible because of all the soccer crazies (or everyone that likes soccer in the state of Oregon) jam packed into this Irish Pub. Now I was already irritated with soccer, but it literally cost us a win. That is not an excuse, if we further read the clue sheet, it said that there was an attendant there. What is so disappointing is how dominant we were(I now look back and see that we won the race by 4 minutes, but it seemed much longer), and the fact that we literally did everything we were supposed to, minus picking up a piece of paper. Now this is nowhere near the disaster of coming so close to a finals race, and it costing us $10000. This is $300 and qualifying for the finals, which we did. Now, if this was the High Trek Adventure, now known as CitySolve, the attendant at Paddy's would have chased us out of Paddy's and would have reminded us to take the flier, literally handing us the win and costing the actual winning team $12,345 dollars! So needless to say, it's good to work out some of the kinks early so we can win Jason Hofsess 's race without any dispute, and preferably do REALLY well in Las Vegas, which is kind of like my home turf part two. Put a race in downtown LA and I will be clueless. Put a race in Las Vegas, and I can do it blindfolded. What is encouraging, although Dannel won't admit it, is that this was our most efficient race yet, and that includes the first race of New Orleans. That includes having to run through the Rose Parade, about ten times. Thank you GUR for letting us have our own slice of pizza instead of having to do something that conflicts with our manhood. We took no public transportation, although most of it was shut down because of the parade. I was not happy about having to handle a live crawfish, although Dannel did an admirable job. This race was actually pretty easy, compared to the last race we did, which was basically two, 2-hour races with about an hour break in between. Jason, since I am sure you are reading this PLEASE give us about 2 hours between races if at all possible. Thank you =) We actually have 3 races in Seattle before we go to New Orleans for Halloween weekend (KICK FREAKIN ASS) and then Vegas in November. I smell 2 wins. Hopefully soccer, my least favorite sport, doesn't interfere this time.

Tops ten songs CONSTANTLY played in Cabo San Lucas

I thought I would dedicate this entry to the top ten (and possibly only ten) songs REPEATEDLY played in Cabo. It's like all the clubs got together, and bought the EXACT same CD or burned a copy for every single place or loaned each other the same ipod. What you get is the same ten songs over, and over, and over again...and everyone STILL gets excited and I have to admit, I was a little bit guilty of that as well =) So here they are, in no particular order...

UPDATE! The song titles are now links...SWEET!!

1. Tonight's going to be a good night (Black Eyed Peas)
*This song by far was played 3-1 more than any other song. If you go to mexico, you will hear this song about 372 times. I won't take credit for saying this, but a friend said "Tonight will be a better night if they stop playing this song!"

2. Party In The USA (Miley Cyrus)
*I heard this song for the first time 2 months ago. A bunch of 12 year old girls at the bowling alley were screaming it at the top of their lungs. I had to ask who it is. Since then I have heard it over 4000 times, and somehow it's popular with the spring break crowd in Cabo. IMMEDIATELY turn in your man card if you were a guy, and you sang this song at El Squid Roe.

3. Hotel Motel Holiday Inn (Pit Bull?)
*No idea what this song means...maybe bringing back a girl to your hotel room? I think Pit Bull can afford something nicer than a Holiday Inn, especially after the royalties from having this song played for the millionth time at the Riu Night Club. Oh wait, I forgot, there are no royalties in Mexico.

4. Empire State of Mind, New York (Jay Z)
*Serious I am googling the artists as I go, because I really had no idea. In Cabo, especially after having a few drinks, people LOVE hearing the city or state of where they are from. Like you could be in a place with 2000 people, and if the DJ yells out OHIO or WISCONSIN, every five minutes people lose their minds. It doesn't matter that it happened like 5 minutes before, and he just named the other 48 states before you. So imagine if the whole song is about your home state...people just start passing out with excitement.

5. Any AC/DC song (The Cabo Wabo Band)
*Every song they do is done with a mexican accent..or words like job sound like YOB. But for some reason, when they do AC DC they sound EXACTLY like the lead singer Brian Johnson. He knows this, so every other song is AC DC.

6. Somebody Call 911 Shawty Fire Burning on the Dance Floor (I have no freaking clue)
*Was it wrong, that every time they played this song, I thought of Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN? They always go to commercial with this song, and I was SO TIRED of all spanish sports tv and soccer! This is one reason I am happy to be home.

7. The Spikey Leg (GS BOYZ????)
*Ok, so thanks to google I found out that this is called the Stinky Leg, or the Stanky leg, depending on your grammar, but since I thought it sounded like Spikey Leg I am sticking with it. I actually learned how to do the Spikey Leg and can't wait to practice it in the mirror!

8. Bad Romance (Lady Gaga)
*Ok so this is my, I think I am getting old moment, but who the hell is Lady Gaga

9. Get Low Low Low Low (T Pain)
*Why I don't like this song? For the same reason I hate line dancing songs at country western bars. I am already not the best dancer on the planet, and now all of a sudden you have to dance AS LOW to the ground as possible. It's about 50/50 that I will tip over. I think it's so funny that these artists are obsessed with starting a new dance craze...which leads to the number 10..

10. Walk it out, Soulja Boy Superman, Cha Cha Slide, and any Country Western Line dance for that matter.
*Ok I give up...these songs are when I know it's time to get a beer and go back to my seat!

11. BONUS SONG! Lollipop (Lil Wayne)
*I had to throw this one in because he is one of the weirdest looking dudes on the planet, and doesn't have any skin left to tattoo. And he uses that weird voice distortion thing (sorry, I don't know what it's called) And while we are at it, what is a Shawty?

HEY FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY TO THIS LIST! I am sure I missed one =)

A very interesting poker hand

I decided to play in a tournament at the Portland Poker Club which is a shady place above Biddy McGraw's here in Portland. A $10 "cover" charge for a $20 buy-in is a bit steep, but I was up, it was noon, and I had plans with Rocky to go. Both him and Jonathan got eliminated early, and at least they got a beer out of it at Biddy's, but I did my usual early accumulation of chips only to piss them away FAST as the blinds and levels got higher. I made the final table as the low stack, which became the VERY low stack. I already had one foot out the door, when the blinds were at 500/1000 and I had 4000 in chips. I was under the gun, and I decided that I had three chances to make my move (now, or when the big or small blind hit), and I looked down at KQ of spades. I threw my last 4 chips in, and I got a comment from the guy to my right saying "I was wondering when that was going to happen". I pick my moments where I make my last stand, rather than haphazardly gamble. Anyways, to my surprise, not only did I get 4 callers, but the 5th person went all in (person that made comment earlier). To my GREAT surprise, everyone that was in the hand called, including the CHIP LEADER who re-raised all in and have everyone covered. A quick trivia question, is, What is the best thing that could possibly happen? Well, everyone is now all in and turns over their cards. Pocket 8's...AJ suited, J10 suited, and the worst case scenario for me, Pocket Kings, from the person who made the comment and initially raised all in. The question is, with so many people all in, and 4 places making the money, fold those mediocre to good hands, and let everyone else eliminate each other. I had no choice, and was the first person in. But these guys in the sunglasses and hoodies, that do nothing but talk, are really not all that smart. Well the miracle flop happened...9-10-J. YAHTZEE! I also hit two of my spades, but the guy with pocket Kings was in the lead for the side pot. The chipleader paired his J, but hit a miracle A on the river, giving him two pair (and also giving me a nut flush, which I did not need), and eliminating four players, all of whom had ALOT more chips than me. I multiplied my chips by 5, to 20000, and after we paid the bubble (the odd man out) who was shortly eliminated, the chip leader, who had to leave, offered to chop the remaining money (over $600). We all happily agreed. So I go from one foot out the door, to essentially winning the tournament, in one miraculous hand, and some poor decisions by some of the other players. Honestly, the only hand I call with their is the pocket Kings. Shh, don't use that against me! Oh, and I know the picture is of Hearts, but I could not find a Spades photo. Ship it baby....

Wal-Mart

This is the first segment of blogs that will have nothing to do with the title of this blog. I need to mix it up a little bit, and usually have something to rant about, so this is probably the perfect forum for it. Facebook has kind of taken the place of a lot of my sports thoughts anyways, and well, booze, is booze. I also have a travel blog, so we are really hurting for new material here! Anyways, I was at Wal-Mart this evening, and a lot of people will say Boo, Wal-Mart is evil. But they do employ a shit ton of people, and to be honest, I save on groceries by a landslide, it's open 24 hours, and I can get a lot of stuff done in one stop. Actually probably the key is the 24 hour part. Anyways, I am standing in line and the cashier is a lady that I KNOW gave me her cold when she bagged my groceries a few months back. Thanks for nothing. But I guess the guy in front of me was about 50 cents short on his grocery bill. First off, I don't know how people get into that situation, or why they don't put an item back. So this couple in front of them, and mind you these are all Greshamites, ask me if you don't know what that means, but the couple gives him the extra change this guy needs. So the cashier says something like, "See there are a few good people left in this world". But I notice that it is like pulling teeth to see someone do something nice for each other, without any ulterior motive. I have seen a lot of great acts of generosity, but I feel there are too many people that would take your last dollar rather than spare fifty cents. Con artists, identity theft, homeless people that are begging for change that are not really homeless. If all people would just spare fifty cents, and not ask for anything in return, I think this world would be a better place. Anyways, two more thoughts on Wal-Mart. I wonder who on earth would get their taxes done there. The answer? Rocky Brown. MUCH to his dismay, he learned that Rocky Jr. is not the huge tax write-off/cash cow they thought it would be! And they didn't even keep the receipt. I guess, Rocky and Wren, you are stuck with him! Lastly, I saw an invention that saves half of your banana for later use. Who the hell eats half a banana, or uses just half as an ingredient. You just EAT the rest! That's how you save it!! Please, never get me a half banana saver as a gift. I did learn that dipping bananas into hersheys syrup is delicious, kind of like a redneck fondue! So next time you are at Wal-Mart, at about Midnight (or later), cruising the empty aisles, thinking about getting your taxes done, and a lady that has a cold is bagging your groceries, I want you to think of me. I'll probably be there, an aisle over.

Kobe's shot

I was in the kitchen, with the Lakers setting up for the last shot against the Heat, and Brian asked who I would want with the ball taking the last shot. I said Kobe of course. And I ridiculed some other people that can name me ANY other name that they would prefer taking the last shot. Well I came out two seconds too late and the streamers were already falling from the ceiling. Kobe did it again. And yes I heard him call glass. And he had the same look on his face that he did against the Magic last year. The "We are going to win no matter what look". I love it. I love Kobe. Go Lakers.

USC Trojans and the Rose Bowl

It is weird to see the USC not in the Rose Bowl or any BCS Bowl for that matter. It's offensive seeing also ran's Oregon and Oregon State in some overhyped scrimmage game to play for the Rose Bowl. Two loss teams in a conference who's champ should be undefeated or a one loss team. Now in Oregon, Southern California teams take a tremendous amount of grief for anything less than perfection. But if 8-3 is a down year, and that is considered an unbelievable year for every other program in the Pac-Ten, I'll take it. So if a disappointing season for USC IS the Rose Bowl, and the greatest game in the history of Oregon, allegedly, is to go to the Rose Bowl, that is pretty sad. I am embarassed for our conference and for the shellacking Oregon will withstand against Ohio State, who USC has beaten two years in a row. What is once in a century for other teams, is a down year for the best team in college football. Its good to be a Trojans fan!

High Trek Adventure 11/14/09 Las Vegas

Now that we got New Orleans out of the way, I felt more prepared for Vegas, and this is basically my home turf. Advantage, US. We got up at 8am, which is way too early for Vegas, and cabbed it over to Planet Hollywood. We found everyone at a Hawaiian themed Cheeseburger restaurant (sound familiar) at the Miracle Mile shops at Planet Hollywood. Before we even got our clues, we had to build a house of cards. I am good at shuffling cards, dealing cards, and playing cards...but a house of cards? We had it collapse once before we completed the task and got our clues. Our first mission was to beeline for UNLV where we had 3 challenges, and we were able to catch two more on the way back. At this point we are cruising and I felt we were ahead of the pack. There was an anagram that Hans and Kat couldn't solve, so we had a choice to get on the Deuce towards Circus Circus and hope the answer was in that direction, or head to NY NY where we had a confirmed clue, which was much closer. I made the decision to go to NY NY, and of course, the other clue was by Circus Circus. Now we took a calculated risk and took a half hour penalty thinking we would be WAY ahead of the pack, but not so much. Even with our skip, AND penalty we finished in sixth. Meaning we had to hope four teams did not cross in the next half hour. Not very likely. Dannel was actually upset, and he didn't say it, but he felt that going to NY NY was incorrect. I still think if we go the other way we still don't make it. Well, after watching the clock, miraculously, even with the penalty, we finished in tenth, meaning we were in the second race. Now in the Great Urban Race, we had at least two hours in between which was really nice to change, shower, and wind down a little before the next race. This time not so much. We had a 45 minute clock which meant we had to hang out at Miracle Mile, and before we were allowed to go, we had to win three hands of blackjack. This is my kind of race! Gambling, playing cards, Vegas..again home field away from home. We got our clues and headed BACK to UNLV. I felt that was a little redundant having to do that twice. All teams were provided with an escort (not a prostitute, a runner from a local track team) to ensure that nobody cheated, or got in a cab or anything. I mean, after all, this race was for $12000. I was struggling to keep up with Dannel and Jamie, who was our escort, and an incredible runner. We still managed to finish everything we needed to do on the strip, and make it to our first major checkpoint which was at Margaritaville. Now here is where things get interesting. And I know Jason, the organizer of the High Trek Adventure, will read this because he scours blogspot and other website for what people have to say about his race. Mind you I am sharing this with family, friends, and have NO REASON than to describe the next series of events other than EXACTLY HOW THEY HAPPENED. We got to Margaritaville at the exact same time as this team called Zach Attack. Now the rules were implicitly clear. Get the clues from the lady, who is employed by High Trek at the bar. Take a picture with her. The clue specifically said, It is up to you to remember to take a picture with her. Not doing so will result in a half hour penalty. Now the Zach Attack, get their clues, and takes off. We take our picture with the lady. The lady, who is employed by High Trek, gets up, leaves Margaritaville, goes out onto the strip to search for and call out for the team that forgot to take their picture. This is important, but you will find out later. We get our last three clues, head to downtown Vegas, and quite efficiently finish our last three challenges. I started to taste the money, and I said to Hans, get us on a bus off the strip and we are going to win. Well a miscommunication forces us to miss the bus. We get on the deuce with the pack that was 5 minutes ahead of us, meaning we were actually five minutes ahead, because they got a head start, if that makes sense. Now we could really taste it. They decided to get off and take the Monorail but we decided to chance the Deuce. Bad idea. It took an eternity to get back to Planet Hollywood and we actually had to get off at Ceasars and run back. Much to our disappointment we were among the last teams back, but the caveat was there was a GIANT crossword puzzle waiting for each team at the Cheeseburger restaurant. Normally that would not be my forte, but the puzzle was about cities, Las Vegas Casinos, and Ocean's 11 trivia. Now, anyone that knows me knows that this is a home run for me. Still, other teams finished theirs relatively fast, and although we tried to be as thorough as possible, we still left a couple of the answers blank. I had been up since 8, it was now 6, and I was ready to leave. Dannel was going to stick around for the award ceremony. I did not need to wait around to find out that we were in 6th or 8th or whatever. Well I am standing in line at the Subway at the Orleans Hotel, and my phone rings and its Dannel. Normally he would just text me, but he called to tell me that we finished in second place. We crushed the crossword puzzle, and with each wrong answer costing each team five minutes, it vaulted us up to second. Which is all fine and dandy, but the team that finished in first was Zach Attack. The Zach Attack of forgetting to take their picture at Margaritaville fame. The same team that should have been penalized had the employee of High Trek not chased them down. Now I know for a fact she went into CYA mode (cover your ass) because you would hate to have an otherwise good race tainted by a questionable result. It is my understanding that she at first said she never went after them, and then it changed to, she did go after them but didn't find them. So here is the question. If they forgot, and left, what prompted them to go back. Did they realize this as they were halfway down the strip heading towards downtown Vegas? Clearly not. What I theorize is that the lady caught up with them as they were about to get on the Deuce. Or maybe it was just outside Margaritaville. Thats why they were running alongside our bus, instead of being in it. If the rules are followed, to the letter, they are penalized a half hour, and we are drinking Grey Goose at Tao that night. Let me tell you, its not easy winning these things, and opportunities are very few, and very far between. And I know this was the cleanest way for Jason to end this thing, but I know there is a TON of ambiguity on what happened, and it would have all been fine with a little honesty. Not on Jasons part, who tried very hard to put together a good race. But from his employee. So they get 12 G's and we get a plastic medal. I can't even drink out of a plastic medal. Alot of this also could have been avoided if the prizes are staggered, as opposed to a winner take all format. It would have sucked, but a few G's thrown our way would have definitely eased the blow of how the whole thing went down. Oh well, I was still in Vegas, and had a great night with Darren, Tain, and Adam that night. Sorry if this was more of a venting than a summary of the events!

Great Urban Race 11/7/09 New Orleans

I got to New Orleans two days early, which gives me one good day to explore the city, rest, oh and maybe hit the casino, before what was going to be a pretty bit race. There were not many of the unathletic, just there for fun types that there are in the preliminary races. Bourbon Street has an interesting smell in the morning that will definitely wake you up. The race began easy enough, taking the streetcar to Tulane, where there were three challenges including solving a word search. Dannel wont admit it, but I got us through that thing pretty quick. There was a triangle puzzle which looked like someone sabotaged it, so we took our best guess and moved on. We caught the streetcar back to the French Quarter, and with Hans and Kat's precision support system, we hit every stop we needed to hit efficiently. The one hiccup was a particular hotel, where two REAL six foot alligators were waiting for us. I don't know who was more petrified, me or Dannel, but I psyched him into picking up the gator, I grabbed the tail, and we carried it around the room. The gator must have an enlarged medula oblangata because he was not pleased with being picked up. Hans, like a knight appearing from the horizon appeared on a bike with the hot sauce we needed, and we cruised into the finish line in second place, which was astonishing, easily qualifying for the final race for the 10K. I was asked, ALOT, how we finished in second place, what our strategy was. Well the answer is, great support team. We had a couple hours before the final race, so we grabbed a bite to eat, showered, and came back refreshed for the next race. I was admittedly nervous, because we had a one in ten chance at ten thousand dollars. We waited around for a little bit before being loaded onto a bus and being taken to City Park. Let me just say, we are horrible lego assemblers, murder mystery solvers, and boat paddlers, and this led us to be terribly behind right off the bat. We were the last team off the lake and we missed the bus to town, and ended up having to run back, which is at least a few miles from where we needed to be. It was basically a disaster. We ended up going through some of the worst parts of New Orleans, and compounding this, there was a three hour time limit virtually assuring that no team would finish without penalties. My thought was to finish everything in the French Quarter, and just take our penalties, but the others decided to head down Magazine Street and actually try to finish this. We actually got to our first stop, Tee Eva's, just before the time was about to expire. Dannel, like a trooper, still tried to finish an ENTIRE SWEET POTATO PIE. This is normally good, when you are not eating the whole thing, and you haven't ran probably 10-12 miles cumulative for the day. Poor Tee Eva thought something was wrong with the pie, and I laughed as I snacked on some free samples of pralines, and had a diet coke and caught some of the LSU game at a neighboring bar. Ok, thats a bit of a stretch, but yeah, the race was over before he even finished the pie. We never even went to the finish line, we headed to the hotel, showered up, and went to the after party at the Tropical Isle, which was actually pretty fun even though we did terrible in the second race. The fact that the Beard's completed all the checkpoints and finished in time was rather amazing. They deserved it, Good Job.

Great Urban Race Seattle, 8/29/09

Well this is now the second race I have done with Dannel, and this one was to qualify for the finals in New Orleans and a shot at $10000. That's almost enough money to retire and great motivation to kick a lot of ass. I am by leaps and bounds in better shape and can run alot further, and lost about 7 pounds since I started doing this. This is coming from a guy that goes to the gym ALOT. Again, coming off of a night with not much sleep, Dannel wakes me up at about 930 for a noon race here in Seattle. You know me, I like to cut things a little close and 2.5 hours is not cutting it close! We even had well over an hour to spare so we scoped things out a bit including a visit to Whole Foods, which was to be one of our clues. I had creme brulee french toast, the breakfast of champs, and perhaps the worst energy drink I have ever tasted. We still had over an hour to kill at the coffee shop so I worked on some fantasy football, and was totally amused at how irritated Dannel was with all the people in costume, including pirates, dr. seuss characters, and two pink panthers complete with whiskers drawn on their faces. I offered Dannel a hundred dollars if he would paint whiskers on his face. There were a TON more teams than there were in Portland, perhaps 300 in all. After we got our clues, Hans copied them and we were off. Every last drop of extra energy I had was spent on the first leg, considering we had to run straight up hill. It was like the streets of San Francisco, but running. We had to learn how to do sign language from a random guy in a coffee shop, do the rumba?, and donate three cans of tuna to charity all while hauling ass. We were way ahead of schedule and the first people to do the first three checkpoints. We then took the long run over to where the stadiums are, did a few more checkpoints and had to make it to Pike Place by 130 for the picture up at the top. We did three more challenges, and headed BACK to the stadium area for two more challenges, both of which cost us valuable time. We got on a bus all the way down third which dropped us off by the Space Needle at our original location, and we see two jokers dressed like pirates heading towards the finish. It became an all out sprint and with pulled muscle and shoelace untied we left them in the dust. Now there were a few teams inside already, and we figure we finish in the top ten which more than qualifies us for New Orleans. We may even be top five but we will know by Tuesday. If it werent for having to wait ten minutes for the clock picture, and another ten minutes in line to do sharades, we may have won the whole thing. Once again, so close, yet so far away. Buca De Beppo never tasted as good as it did after the race and I am not sore today!!!

High Trek Adventure

So I agreed to go on a fool hearty adventure with Dannel, and do the High Trek Adventure with is a race throughout Portland, where you have to figure out clues along the way, and take your pictures in front of certain landmarks. My only experience is that I went to Las Vegas with them for the Great Urban Challenge last year, and ran about 100 yards with them, while holding a Bud Light Lime, and showed them where the New York New York Roller Coaster is. Oh, and I haven't ran a mile in ten years. I have ran at most two...EVER. Not that I am in bad shape, but I just don't run! So I was actually preparing for the Seattle race when Dannel informed me of this Portland race as a tune up. So after three weeks of running, I was ready (I guess!) I was actually quite nervous day of, considering I was up til 430 the previous morning, left Spirit Mountain at 9am, and had a lot to drink the night before since it was Jonathans birthday! I felt AlOT better when we got to the coffee place and most of the teams did not look in good shape. Actually there were some marathon runners there, and I certainly am not one of them. I once did the Fresh Prince Marathon. 8 hours...non stop. So the first clue is outside, its a puzzle, and it leads to where we get our real clues. The first running...see if I can keep up with Dannel, a former Division 1 Athlete. We get the clues, run back, make copies and Hans and Kat are the support team that immediately start figuring out the clues and telling us where to go. I think that Dannel does some lolligagging and can save some time by just being a little bit more on it, but don't tell him I said that! I think that I saved us some time by taking charge of the phone while he was figiting with his iphone and getting frustrated. I actually ended up doing the majority of the communication with Hans, but Dannel is the superior runner. His phone camera is a POS and we need something better next time. We started in the pearl, ran all the way to the South Park blocks, fought our way through Saturday Market, found or next two clues and ran to the bus that was going to take us over the Ross Island Bridge. This was my first time getting on Portland Public Transportation. We took a picture IN FRONT of sock dreams, got bonus time for taking our picture with a musical note, and hopped on a bus North on 11th, bypassing one of our clues, which we are allowed to do. We found our next two spots and realized we are now way ahead...UNTIL...we realized we were supposed to perform a task at sock dreams. There is nothing more discouraging and crushing than realizing you are going to win and have to run from Stark to DIVISION BACKTRACKING! Dannel has this angry gear, which I don't have and he basically left me behind in the dust. Things were starting to hurt and I was starting to get tired but I could not let the team down. He basically did the challenge at sock dreams, and I got there just in time to take the picture. We immediately jumped on the bus back downtown and realized we were going to have to do the next bonus to have a chance. We needed to find someone with an Oregon AND an Oregon State shirt and pose for pictures with them, but you can never find this so Hans and a friend grabbed some shirts and met us on the water front right next to Velour, which was our last stop. Let me tell you, the last stretch was about 6 blocks but it may as well been six miles through the Sahara desert. Well it turned out that every second counted as we are the third team to make it in there. We have a little bit of optimism as we were the only team to get both bonuses and one of the teams had made a mistake. Well, the mistake was taking their picture at Velour instead of Velvet, which we did too. Had we taken it at Velvet or somehow managed to take our picture at Absolute, we would have won by a lot. As it turns out, with the bonuses, we ended up in second by 3 minutes. Not too shabby for an "out of shape" 32 year old guy that has never done this before. Dannel was very discouraged but I was actually pretty happy considering my tempered expectations. We got these really nice bags and free entry into the Vegas race which I think I can help us win. Try $12000 to the winner. That will motivate me to do a little extra on the treadmill eh?

Shaq tell me how that tastes!

Finally another NBA championship for the Lakers! All you Laker haters out there makes this one even better! The Lakers may take short lulls but they are the best team in NBA History and will always be doing this! So you can either be a fan, or continue to be disappointed every time they win!

Aloha!!

Just saying hello from (not so) sunny Maui. Two days of bad weather but its supposed to clear up over the next day or so. The Westin in Kaanapali beach is amazing as usual, and the ocean view from the room is spectacular. Saw Warren and Annabelle's show and would highly recommend it to anyone. Gonna wake up bright and early tomorrow for the Ono breakfast buffet and walking around Lahaina before we go to the Old Lahaina Luau! Then off to Hana on Sunday where they are having the East Maui Tarot festival. Nonstop action, but I really hope we get some real sun! Mahalo

Fantasy Baseball: Whats the Point

Well, we did our draft on Sunday, and already I am intently watching every game and every highlight...It's not fantasy football, but I likened it to the chips and salsa at a Mexican Restaurant. It holds you over until you get the sizzling plate of fajitas, sizzling plate of fajitas being Football Season. All I know is that if Soggy Soldier ends up having a better team than me again, I'm gonna be pissed!

Poker Tourament @ Holiday Inn 4/7

Just did the $30 buy in tourament at the Holiday Inn. I accumulated about 8000 in chips when someone with a much larger stack was moved to our table. I made it 3000 with J c J h and he called and the flop came KQ6 all hearts, and he moved all in. I called, but I didnt quite realize I was a 60/40 underdog. This was a clear mistake. My logic was that if the heart came, I would have 16000 in chips, and probably the chip leader for the entire room and I would coast into the money. Somehow this coasting never seems to happen...My dad and Rocky made the final table, busting out on the bubble in 7th and 8th respectively.

Charlotte Bobcats

I am so sick and tired of the Charlotte Bobcats. Why have they won 6 out of the last 7 against the Lakers. This is ridiculous. Now I have to wait another year for the Lakers to put an end to the madness. Actually, I could care less. The Lakers are the top seed in the West and nobody remembers regular season games. Except for when the Lakers beat the Blazers ass this Friday April 10th at the Rose Garden! Yours truly will be there...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Joel

Hey everyone, thanks for stopping by...things I am going to write about are sports (the Lakers), my travels (Vegas), fantasy football, Poker, work, politics, observations, and things I feel the need to complain about! Hopefully you will get some entertainment out of it. Feel free to post comments, and dont worry about hurting my feelings!